Revising Writing By Shailah

This week our teacher Miss paton gave us this piece of wrting where someone had some mistakes 

in there writing , Miss paton gave us the task to fix up all of the problems and here is the before 

and after enjoy!!!!!

On Saturday I was at my Papa's Aunts, and Uncles, house getting ready for halloween. When I saw my papa was dressed up in a spooky zombie I was dressed up as a purple bat. I was ready for halloween Me and my Papa were going around the houses asking for lollies.

Once I went to a house that was very black and very spooky my Papa got scared I told him don’t worry It's just a house  full of dickarayshions . There  Were  spiderwebs and bats and witch dickarayshions I knocked on the door and out came a ghost a man and a lady gave us sweets yummy happy trical treat I said to them next I went down to another house that wasn't spooky as it was

It only had spiders and black a black witch’s  broom I knocked on the door and out came a black witch the lady gave us chocolate and chocolate candy pumpkins .

When we stopped at kings road we saw my friend Zara and her Dad Babu they were going trical treating for yummy treats me and my Papa were walking to Zara we asked could we come with you to get yummy treats they said yes When we stopped down at the cafe we had a hot chocolate and a strawberry cupcake Than we went back down to costs cress  to go to other houses for trick or treating  

When we saw another house that was even scarier I said happy trinkil treat and out came a spider the man gave us lollies  and chocolate it was fun at halloween.It was time to go home I said bye to my friend Zara and went home to eat all the goodies .   

 

After

On Saturday I was at my Papa's, Aunts, and Uncles, house getting ready for halloween. When I saw my Papa he was dressed up as a  zombie he was really spooky. I was dressed up as a purple bat,. when I was ready  I looked  a bit  spooky.I was ready for halloween

Me and my Papa were going around the houses asking for lollies.

          

I went to a house that was very black and very spooky my Papa got scared I told him don’t worry It's just a house  full of declaration.There  were spiderwebs and bats and witches declarations  I knocked on the door and out came a freaky ghost man and a lady gave us happy treats I said to them next I went down to another house that wasn't spooky as it was cool going trick or treating we had a good time. knocked on the door and out came a black witch the lady gave us chocolate and chocolate

candy pumpkins.

When we stopped at Kings road we saw my friend Zahra and her Dad and her Baby. They were going trick or treat treating for yummy treats. me and my Papa were walking to Zara we asked could we come with you to

get yummy treats they said yes when we stopped down at the Cafe we had

a hot chocolate and a strawberry cupcake than we went back down to coates cress  to go to other houses for trick or treating  

When we saw another house that was even scarier.I said happy trick or treat and out came a spider he gave us lollies and chocolate it was fun at halloween. It was time to go home I said bye to my friend Zara and went home to eat all the goodies.